Month Four

The last month has been filled with the absolute insanity of fulfilling the biggest order in Sari Bari history and the much needed break with a friend in Delhi. Amidst the chaos, time flew by. I had not been to the Sari Bari unit in the south of the city for a few weeks and I was able to return this week. It was such a sweet time quietly sitting with the ladies as they sewed beautiful works of art. It was in the quiet space I realized what a gift time here is. I have been welcomed into the Sari Bari family and been giving more rice than I could possible eat, more hugs than I would expect and more love than I deserve.   There is laughter as I sit back and watch the women joke with one another. There is a sense of peace and safety within the walls of Sari Bari that words do not sufficiently describe. The ladies are my heroes for the way they choose freedom amidst a culture that tells them freedom is not an option. They create beauty out of old saris and they are so proud of their work. Dignity is restored. Hope becomes reality.

I stand at the threshold of each new day with a sense of urgency, sadness, longing, joy, hope and peace. Some days I feel as if time is moving too quickly and I wont be able to accomplish my tasks before I say goodbye. Other days I enjoy the sweet, slow moments of laughter with the ladies. In 2011, I looked forward to freedom birthdays and Christmas parties because there was such a sense of joy and celebration. Those were the big moments I remembered. Being here now, I look forward to the everyday tasks. Packing product to be shipped around the world. Carrying product from one building to the next. The ladies feeding me mountains of rice, India flavored candy and all kinds of sweets. Feeding the women all forms of peanut butter in return. It is watching the women create beautiful works of art with a needle and thread. I am blown away with the love and grace they extend to me as I struggle to communicate.

The question arrises about how long I will be here. Most assume 3 years since this is my second time at Sari Bari and that is the normal flow for foreign staff. I tell them I will be here two more months. They ask when I am coming back and I say I don't know. I get looks of confusion or disappointment. It is in these moments my heart breaks because this chapter is quickly coming to an end. I will soak up every moment I have here with a grateful heart.

A Day in the Life

Have you ever come home from a vacation feeling like you needed another vacation to recuperate? Delhi was a such a good, healthy, restful break from the chaos of the city, but jumping right back into the insanity that is my daily life in Kolkata turned into an exhausting week. Part of the reason I love living and working in Kolkata is the constant change from day to day. One day will be a peaceful day at the office where I sit and chat with the ladies during tea time while having space to be creative with the marketing plan. Other days its rushing to get product out the door to meet a deadline so we can make payday or hosting a tour in the midst of chaos in the lanes surrounding Sari Bari. I am constantly being stretched above and beyond what I think I can handle. It is in the chaos I learn real peace. It is in the hard times I discover true joy. It is in the exhaustion I find rest.

By Friday night I was exhausted from late nights of community gatherings. It was a struggle to get out of bed knowing I would be giving a tour, packing product and rolling with whatever punches came my way. My margins were so thin. One thing I look forward to is Friday morning prayer with the North American Sari Bari community. We intentionally set aside time to pray for one another, this city and the women at Sari Bari. We are honest. We are vulnerable. We often pray for the impossible. Yesterday, my friend prayed that I would find joy in spite of being exhausted which felt impossible. After prayer, I walked in to Sari Bari and felt a surge of energy. There was laughter. There was peace. I found joy in hearing the women laugh. I found joy in sharing Sari Bari's story with visitors. I found joy in being force feed rice. It is in those moment I know Sari Bari is a safe place, a refuge from the storm. It is where my soul finds rest.

Community in Kolkata has become a huge part of thriving in this city and the work we do everyday. We share meals with people who have become so woven into our stories as we sit and talk about the hard stuff and laugh big belly laughter. It is in this space where we can be honest with the ways our hearts hurt for the people we work with or the reality of being separated from our families. These people understand the reality of working with broken women and the desire to restore dignity and hope in the red light areas. I found a quote which perfectly sums up life in Kolkata: "The world may be broken but hope is not crazy" (The Fault in our Stars). We cling to hope. Hope that the women will continue to find freedom. Hope that God is still good. Hope that one day the red light areas will be transformed. Hope is what makes me put one foot in front of the other on hard days. Hope of a better life for the women. 

Coffee and Conversation in Delhi

My soul was tired. I needed a break from the hustle and bustle of Kolkata. I love when God makes things happen even before I know what I need. I spent the last few days in Delhi staying with a friend and his parents who live there. It was good to have time and space to process my time in Kolkata. It was good for my heart to have a friend ask hard questions. I loved sitting in the grass on the rooftop drinking coffee and watching the sunset. We talked about camp memories. We laughed at all the stupid things we did at camp. We FaceTimed with people from camp who encouraged us both. My friend created intentional empty space for me to relax and recharge. He wanted to hear my heart. He wanted to understand as much of my life in India as he could. There were times we would just sit in silence. My time in Delhi was a gift that I am so thankful for. I am rested and ready to head into my last 2 months in Kolkata. 

When Impossible Happens

Sari Bari just sent out it's largest order yet and it will be arriving at Dillard's this Spring. Along the way, there have been a variety of speed bumps from receiving canvas six weeks late to 4,000 dog hooks that don't open because it wouldn't be India if we didn't have a few minor hiccups. Through this order, I learned the value of buy in and teamwork. I learned how to braid handles and managed to braid until my fingers were blistered. I hammered hundreds of bags and occasionally managed to get my fingers in between the hammer and bag. I have a huge respect for zippers after putting thousands of pullers on zippers. (I never knew they didn't come with the pullers already attached.) Muscles I never knew I had in my right hand were sore from clamping beads on to hundreds of braided handles. I learned to carry bags on my shoulders like the local men selling their wares. My knees and back reminded me I am not a teenager and would revolt at the end of the day from sitting on the floor and carrying heavy things up and down stairs all day. But every single moment was worth it because I got to do it alongside the women at Sari Bari.

These women are my heroes. They wake up at 4 or 5 am every morning to do house work and take care of their family. Once they finish taking care of their family, they start the commute to Sari Bari which for some is more than an hour. They arrive at Sari Bari ready to work a full day. They take care of each other and the foreigners at the office. They share their food with us to make sure we have enough to eat. They know when we are having a bad day or have been crying so they ask questions. Sari Bari is a family so they take care of one another. When the Dillard's order seemed impossible, it was them who reminded us that nothing is impossible. After working through a holiday weekend, one women said "We are Sari Bari. If we don't do it, then who will?" Sari Bari would not exist without these women who work hard at home and at work. They choose freedom daily. There were people along the way saying it would be impossible but these ladies don't know what impossible means. It is an honor and a privilege to work alongside these ladies. They are my heroes. 

Hopes and Dreams

Things have been busy at Sari Bari as we finish the Dillard's order. Amidst the busyness, sometimes I forget the why behind it all. Sometimes I forget the brave steps these women have taken away from the trade. I will never know the hard path they have walked along their freedom journey, but I work hard everyday to help where I can to ensure Sari Bari will continue to be a place of freedom for generations to come.

Sari Bari is a place of hope. It is incredible in ten years more than 100 women have found freedom from the trade. It is heart breaking to know there are more than 10,000 women just outside the doors of Sari Bari who don't yet know freedom. The women I pass on the way from home to work or just from one building to the next remind me the path to freedom is not an easy one. The Sari Bari women choose freedom every day they show up to work. They represent the hope of another way for the women in their communities. They are the biggest advocates of freedom as they bring their friends to work at Sari Bari. They are fighters. They are strong. They are love and joy. I work hard so they can keep working hard.

Part of my job is hosting visitors and sharing Sari Bari's story over the last 9 years. I am a fan who wants other people to become fans. As I see the women work and hear bits and pieces of their stories, I am more motivated to share the story. Words can not wholly describe the victories and defeats along the way or the family feel at Sari Bari. Volunteers come for days or weeks to help and they get a glimpse of the story which they take with them and they become fans. Visitors are always welcomed with "Welcome to Sari Bari" and big smiles. The women feel proud as people walk out with beautiful products they have sewn. Words can only partly describe why I love working at Sari Bari.

One thing Sarah has taught me is to dream and hope for things that I will never see. I dream of a day when the red light district no longer exists in Kolkata. I dream of a way when women are no longer forced by poverty to work the line. I hold on to hope of transformation within the lanes of red light areas throughout Kolkata. I dream of ways I can continue to advocate for the women of Sari Bari whether that is choosing to commit to living in Kolkata long-term or working from the States.

As I sit with my pot of coffee, I dream and hope for the women of Sari Bari.  

Month Three (a brief update)

Halfway. It seems bizarre to stand in the middle of my time here. A month ago, I thought the halfway point would never arrive. It has and I am feeling good. It is a busy time for Sari Bari as we fill the biggest order we have ever received. It involves every ounce of energy which leaves me tired but excited to watch as the women come together to finish the order. So many people from out community in Kolkata have given of their time to come help put tags on, cuts strings, clamp brackets on braided handles and package thousands of bags. Last week, we had representatives from four continents sitting and chatting as they formed an assembly line. I have spent days hammering, clamping, oiling, matching and running back and forth. My hands are sore and starting to form blisters. I am grateful for the time I get to sit and work with the ladies as they laugh. It speaks to the joy found within the Sari Bari walls. It is a gift to be a part of the work being done in Kolkata.

Once we get this order out the door, I will have more space to give a more detailed update. For now I am happy, joy-filled and healthy. 

A Constant Fog

Kolkata is a city of more than 14 million people. That is 14 million people that need to move about the city. There are lots of buses, cars, trucks, auto rickshaws creating pollution galore. Growing up in LA, I thought I would be somewhat used to thick air that coats the lungs and black boogers at all times. I have had a cold every month despite eating oranges and taking vitamin C. The constant haze creates some beautiful sunsets but also limits the suns ability to truly shine.

In many ways, I have been in a fog mentally as I moved through this city. I was feeling depressed and would often have anxiety attacks when I would leave the safety of my flat. Kolkata demands a fight even to venture to the local market. Over Christmas, we had a few days off and I did not leave the apartment because I did not have the fight to engage even a walk to the market. Sari Bari was a safe haven among the craziness and I love being there but sometimes the walk is more like a journey through seas of people staring and grabbing which means I'm already tired at the beginning of the work day. The walk home from the office is often a big game of frogger avoiding trucks, cars and the men going into the red light area. I am always on high alert making sure I know who/what is around me. My flat is a save haven amidst the chaos and I am grateful for the peacefulness of quiet nights to decompress from the stress of a day in Kolkata. Most nights, I am too tired to cook dinner so it is a spoon full of peanut butter or a Twix bar. It is in these moments I have to remember I am not in this alone.

For weeks I felt like I was alone and going through the valley of living in a foreign culture. I did not want to add stress to someone else's plate so I shoved my feelings down deeper so I could get through the days and weeks. When I finally shared my struggle with my community, they surrounded me with open arms and assured me I am not alone. I voiced my inner struggle to find rest and peace in this city. I voiced the pain of being grabbed by men. I voiced the feelings of falling into a never ending abyss. As soon as I allowed other people to help me shoulder the burden, I felt lighter and found more joy in the little things. I often forget that I was sent out and there is a group of people constantly praying for me as I navigate the road God has put before me. I know my time here is a journey and I appreciate all the gifts, prayers, words of encouragement, notes, Christmas cards, texts and messages that help me take on each day. I look forward to the next 3 months as the mental fog continues to clear.