Looking Back

Holi was this week. We had two days off. I took this time to read my previous blogs and reflect on the journey so far. I read about my excitement as my return to Kolkata became a reality. I read about the nerves as I packed my bags and began the adventure that is getting to Kolkata. I read my initial reaction to the chaos of arriving in Kolkata after long, sleepless flights. I read about the valleys along the way when I didn't think I would have the strength to stay for the duration of my visa. I read about the joy of sitting with the ladies as they work diligently to get products completed and send out. 

As I read these words, it brought back very vivid memories of the mental space I was occupying during those times. I remember the excitement and anticipation as I arrived to a familiar yet new experience. I remember the times I was grabbed by men on the streets. I remember the tears as I battled depression and anxiety. I remember the joy in celebrating Christmas with the ladies, but also the deep sadness of being away from family for the holidays. I remember the stress of working through weekends and holidays to get the Dillard's order completed and out the door. I remember my time in Delhi and the huge blessing it was to sit on a grassy rooftop to watch the sunset with a friend. I remember the many times our community gathered in our flat to share a meal or a cup of coffee. I remember the many ways this place has become home. I remember the big belly laughs. I remember the glimpses of beauty among the brokenness of Kolkata. 

I have learned about my deep desire and need for a community as I walk through life. I have learned technology is a huge blessing to keep connected to people who know my heart and encourage me through emails and texts. I learned the importance of staying focused on a big God who loves instead of feeling discouraged by the daily things that break my heart. I realized the importance of honesty and vulnerability so I do not carry my burdens alone. I have found beauty in the unexpected places of broken buildings or the silence of sewing at Sari Bari. I notice the joy of laughter and the love in sharing rice. This city has changed me and the way I see things. 

My time is quickly coming to a close here. Less than 6 weeks and I will be eating Mexican food and gourmet ice cream with my sister and chatting for hours over coffee with friends. I am starting to have conversations about jobs when I get home. I am dreaming of ways to stay connected to Sari Bari when I return to Southern California. I am gearing up for hard goodbyes and hopeful see you laters.