Aren't you.....

this phrase has been a part of a lot of conversations i've had this week. aren't you scared? nervous? anxious? excited? to be honest, i am a little bit of all of those things and each one is wrestling for my attention throughout the day as i teach classrooms full of kids that also need my attention. i have a to-do list constantly running through my mind of all the things i need to get done in the next four days. important things like going to the bank to get cash for entry visas or go get passport pictures taken so i can get into bolivia. it seems like the list keeps growing and i keep putting this stuff off because other things come up. it's funny because all the other things keep me from over thinking about what life will be like if I choose to call one of these places home. i am taking 10 days to explore two countries in the hopes of calling one home for the next few years. when i stop to think about it....it seems kind of crazy, exciting, hopeful, new and scary all at the same time. i know i have been called to these places to live among the poor and vulnerable so i am confident that God is present with me as i pack and prepare in the next few days. i am confident that God will provide the peace I need as I explore the possibility of living in one of these countries that are known for violence and drug trafficking. God has been faithful in the past and i know He will be faithful again.

as i look forward to leaving, i have found myself looking back at pictures and journals from past trips. i have a wall of photos in my room that reminds me of the sweet moments i have been given to learn from those in poverty. chasing children around an open lot in uganda and as well as singing worship songs in swahili with my translator as we walked from hut to hut sharing the good news. remembering sweet adrian from ecuador that loved laughing as he was pushed around in a wheelbarrow and the excitement of kids out in the village who crushed flowers to create paint to decorate our faces. the hospitality of a family in costa rica that had such pride in showing us all of their country and would not let us pay for anything. the women in kolkata that are always in my mind and a reminder of the joy found in such dark places. giving Bibles to people who walked for two days in china so they would finally have their own copy of God's word. thinking back to my first trip to spain which would set my love of travel and adventure in motion. it is these memories that provide peace. it is these memories that remind me why i choose to go to the ends of the earth. it is these memories that keep me moving forward in finding joy and providing glimpses of hope in dark places.